My friend “SkinnyBitch” and I sat in a coffee shop tonight discussing our friends and our relationships. We both have recently ended our long distance relationships. Suddenly we feel as though we know everything there is to know about avoiding mistakes in the dating world. As we were evaluating all our friends ups and downs of their relationships or lack of we had to ask ourselves when did WE become the relationship experts. 6 months ago if someone asked our advice there was a stronge chance that both of our responses would have been minimal or with a … it will work itself out.. response. We both have always been the type to keep our opinions on the guys our friends date to ourselves or at least between each other. Now we are the panel of experts on dos and donts in the dating world. Both feel that avoiding this situation will only lead to this greater problem in their relationship. Tonight at the coffee shop we couldnt help but call each other out on our conceeded thoughts of being relationship experts.
This gets me to my reason for this blog. How do women slip into the role of being “that girl” so easily. Of being the girl that allows her boyfriend to walk all over her when previously were some of the most bullheaded bossy people I knew. Of becoming the girl that had previously had intellegent conversations to reduced to the girl that cant complete a sentence that doesnt contain HIS name. Of letting him put you on the back burner time after time Of always cancelling plans with you for the “boys”. Of being one of the most outspoken friends I have into a spineless female who can be talked out of any angry feeling.
In their defense I am guilty of the same faults or close enough to the same faults that I cant judge. I can only question, support, and learn from our mistakes. These are not unhealthy relationships, not abusive or manipulative. These relationships are simply that of give and take where somehow along the line someone began to give a little more than take and vise versa.
Luckily for me… or not so lucky of me.. I am blessed with a group of friends like no other. Everyone has the girls that lay it out on the line for you<SassyRed>, the friend that thinks just like you<SkinnyBitch>, the friend that knows you better than you know yourself<BbDoll>, that avoids the tough stuff for fear of hurting you<SweetPea>, and lastly the one that will agree with whatever will make you feel better at that particular hard moment in your life. This is apparently the friend I forgot to find in my support group. I realized this when BbDoll so politely pointed out this past weekend that I had to end it with the guy I have been recently dating because I just wasnt feeling it. Yes, BbDoll informed ME on MY feelings. She was right of course but thats beside the point. My past relationship with.. <Ricky> was one that we had been best friends for years before trying to make things worked. And boy did it work. He was a perfect match for me.. but eventually the stresses of life, long distance, and college got to us and it ended….Since my breakup I have been some would say… emotionally distant and dating random guys I deep down know are completely wrong for me. BbDoll knows this so felt the need to step in a dictate that the guy I was dating just wasnt working out any longer.
See, I had become “THAT GIRL” the one that needed a man around to make her feel less… alone… I have never been this girl in my LIFE even choosing to be single or at least nothing further than dating with the majority of the guys that have entered my life. the most recent of my dating mistakes was.. .lets call him <Scooter>. He was a great guy though a little imature for me. He adored me and treated me like a princess, respected the time I needed and that I was still hurting from my previous relationship. Scooter was a great guy.. just not right for me.. He constantly wanted to hang out, talk, text, meet up, etc. This is great for those personalities out there that are dependent or at least love constant attention from there dudes. I do not. It actually stresses me out A GREAT DEAL to have to hang out all the time, to always have missed calls or text messages from someone. It even goes as far as to annoy me. I am definitly a “TYPE B” personality as SkinnyBitch puts it. I just go with the flow, rarely feel very strongly about anything, rarely stresses, rarely worries, well you get the idea…. and Scooter actually stressed me out.. VERY MUCH. So BbDoll stepped in addressing the situation, and told me no more. I am lucky to have friends who call you out when you are lying to yourself. Anyway together we decided it was best to… some would say.. ground me from dating until the first of the year. I decided it is a punishment for not having my shit together.. forcing myself to address my feelings for Rick and the hurt that is still there. I also feel it will be good for me to stop being THAT GIRL looking for someone to make the pain go away.
So my new goals.. 1. Stop being a conceeded relationship expert 2. stop being THAT GIRL 3. Get my shit together
